It's almost a month since we broke up.

Others thought I'm really fine with it.

They see me smile and laugh.

I'm not okay. 

A part of me wanted to move on, but most of me don't.

by asepdf | 07:10 PM | Probably meaningful, Trails to forever | say anything?

So I've already made my choice. I told you that I would take full responsibility of we talked about last September 14. I already had decide that it's gonna be you. Others would think that it was too fast. I wouldn't care at all what would they say and think. 

Yes, I was unfair, to her. I chose you over her. 

Sooner or later, people surrounding us would know. They may not be able to accept it easily. They might ask questions. They may start hating me. Well, this is reality. They will be able to get over with it soon enough. I just wanted to give them my apologies, even if they won't accept it or they would. I'm sorry, to her, her family, our friends. 

This time, I would try and make things right. I would make things right that would last forever, not just for a lifetime. We will create lots of good memories. I would definitely replace all the bad experiences you had. I will love you more than anyone else have loved you before. 

by asepdf | 08:46 AM | Trails to forever | 1 said something

As of this moment, I'm experiencing a deep physical and mental struggle. I should be sleeping as of now, though due to the struggles stated above, here I am, holding my iPod and typing this down. The reason im having this physical struggle is due of this mental struggle. I'm struggling physically 'cause im feeling tired now, having not enough sleep and I still have work tonight. It has been 2 hours sincce I laid down in bed, struggling mentally, my mind wouldn't just stop thinking, thoughts keep running in my mind, the current problems I have, doubts starting to build up, and all this hatred and apathy. 

Tabulas has always been my refuge, whenever there are thoughts like these I need to let out. 

Sighs.

by asepdf | 06:56 PM | Trails to forever | 2 said something

No matter how much blessings I'm receiving, it's still not enough for our family. 
Ang hirap ng ganito. Kahit gano ka magsikap, kulang na kulang pa din ang balik sayo. 
Hay. 

by asepdf | 07:54 PM | Trails to forever | 2 said something

I finally got my grades yesterday. Results were very satisfying. I just need to get done with our thesis documents so I can compute my overall GWA. Finally, something I can be proud of. At least I can initially payoff my uncle for helping me finish my studies. 

I’ve talked to my uncle last Sunday night when we were in my grandmother’s post-birthday celebration. He asked me if I was going to look for another job now. I told him not yet. To my dismay, he answered me “what’s the use of finishing your studies if you’re staying with your job.”

Well, I do have plans to look for a job that’s related to my course. Not now. Probably next year after graduation. I want to go abroad. Though I still need to self study and get some certifications. I don’t want to work and practice my course without any good knowledge about it. I know some basics though.

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I’ve started shooting with Diana yesterday. I already took 6 shots. I plan on shooting more during night time ‘cause I really want to practice with the light trails. I hope more shots will turn out good than before.

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High hopes. 

by asepdf | 02:47 AM | Trails to forever | say anything?